Poor Child? Poor Parents!
by Dark Dreamscape
Summary: "Come on, come on!" Elfman urged, "Say 'man', say 'man!" Poor child? Oh Mira, how wrong you are. It's the parents that are to be pitied. After all, Elfman got a heart-attack! Note: I'll be continuing this as per request. Probably going to be a collection of one-shots about couples. Hope you enjoy! Current: Gruvia
1. Man vs Woman

**Title: Poor Child? Poor Parents!**

**By: Dark Dreamscape**

**Author's note: Well... Just trying to kill time, I guess... Maybe I should work on other stories. Meh. OH WELL. I'm just gonna rant because I'm just a spoiled brat like that: Depression sucks. For whatever reason, I'm feeling under the weather and I don't know if it's the food poisoning or personal problems. But it sucks that I'm eating 24/7 and not moving my lazy butt. So here I am, sitting here with food poisoning, though I'm eating food, picking up my virtual pen and writing. ...Whoop dee do. P.S. This might be a one-shot or a two-shot. Depends.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail. I might write filler for That's What You Get!... Who knows.**

**Chapter 1: "Man" vs. "Woman"**

Carla sipped warm tea from her cup as she watched Elfman arguing with Evergreen, not that it doesn't happen regularly. She was actually surprised that Mira wasn't fangirling over them as a couple. To check on why, Carla found a surprising scene. Mira wasn't even her usual self, she was crying on the counter, being comforted by a nervous Freed, wailing, "THE POOR CHILD!"

Well... We probably know what _that_ was about... Carla shook her head and mused, 'Hm... Poor child... I wonder why,' and relaxed as she felt that another vision was coming to her.

"Poor... Child...?" she repeated, sweating, though the tiny phrase caused Mira to look at the feline.

"Yeah..." Mira nodded through sobs, occasionally blowing her nose on a slightly damp-no, really damp-handkerchief.

"More like... Poor parents... Elfman, specifically," Carla said while rubbing her temples sadly.

"Elfman?" Mira asked, but not before rubbing the tears from her eyes and to stop blowing her nose, "What about him?"

"Well..." Carla started to explain what she saw in the vision.

_**~Flashback~**_

_"Come on, come on!" Elfman urged the toddler, not even 2 years old. "Say 'man', say 'man'!"_

_"I told you," Evergreen sighed, obviously irritated at his futile attempts, "Babies don't usually speak until they're 2 or something! And she a __**girl,**__ Elfman!"_

_"But my babies can speak and they're not even two!" Bixlow butted in, only to be dragged away by his own wife._

_"Well __**I**__ said 'MAN' before I was two!" Elfman argued, proudly showing his 'manliness'._

_"THE AVERAGE, GEEZ! She's barely 18 months old, for crying out loud!" she countered, rocking the baby back a forth in her arms a bit._

_"Mhrmmm..." a soft gurgle was heard. Both adults looked to the baby to see her eyes open a bit, saliva dripping down as she said her first words._

_"YES!" Elfman yelled, "SAY 'MAN', COME ON! YOU CAN DO IT!"_

_Evergreen sighed, she was pretty happy and all but... She shivered at the thought of the girl becoming like... No, there was no way that she would become such an imbecile who only fought and said "MAN!" all the time!_

_"...-man..." the gurgle was heard again, and Evergreen almost dropped the girl in shock. But not until she heard the word repeated, this time more clearly._

_"Woman..." she said, reaching up and holding onto Evergreen's wavy hair._

_Elfman's celebration of his daughter seemingly saying "man" was interrupted by her repeating what she was saying all along. "Woman." Promptly after this, he fell to the floor clutching where his heart would be, yelling like the world was over. Or like the time when he beat Bacchus. Gildarts was pretty proud of him for that._

_Evergreen couldn't help but giggle a bit, then dialed Mira's number._

_Just by hearing the crackling of oil, Evergreen could tell that Mira was cooking breakfast. "Er, heeey..." she said, hoping not to make the ex-'Demon Woman' mad. "I think your brother is having a break-down... Or a heart attack..." her suspicions were proven when the clatter of the spatula to the floor was heard._

_"Hey hey, calm down!" Evergreen tried to salvage the situation while she used her other hand to dial Wendy's number (Why not? Her Dragon Slayer magic also can heal) "It's just because... His daughter, y'know... Said 'woman' instead of 'man' and it's kinda a shock to him..."_

_*silence*_

_"Uh, hello...? Mira?"_

_*thud*_

_"...Crap."_

After Carla finished relaying the vision to Mira and Freed, they started to have a melting pot of feelings. Laughter from the thought of Elfman having a heart-attack from "woman" and shock from the thought that Elfman was going to get a heart-attack.

Staring back at the two arguing, the future Carla saw didn't really seem too far away... Because it seemed so much like them, anyways. "Poor parents, indeed."

**No flames! I have... Nothing as a shield, because I don't own anything... You guys know that from the disclaimer, right? So... Just a killing time thing people... And it seems to be a one shot, not a two shot. Hope you enjoyed, later~**


	2. Cake, cake, and-surprise surprise-cake

**Author's note: I'm following the request and continuing this, no matter how much my mind tells me to finish my other stories cause I have too much on my plate. ...Oh well, I have time. Feel free to suggest couples I should write about. P.S. To avoid confusion, I said "Flashback" in the previous chapter because Carla is remembering what her vision showed her. So if I were describing her vision as it happens in the story, I would say something else. Otherwise, I'll just call is "Flashback" because Carla is telling what she saw previously. Kay? **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail, for the millionth time!**

**Chapter 2: Cake, cake, and-surprise surprise, cake**

Carla shook her head, and opened her eyes in surprise as Mira leaned in with glittering hope. "And? What else?" Carla deducted that Mira wanted something that would brighten up their... Dreary knowledge of the future.

"Hm..." Carla pondered, wondering what would come to her next.

**_~Glimpse~  
_****_(Wow. Such a CREATIVE name. The sarcasm's pretty obvious, by the way.)_**

_A fierce yell was heard from our female mage, the physically strong yet mentally weak Erza Scarlet. This time, she wasn't yelling at Natsu and Gajeel for fighting, Gray for stripping, or anything else. Quite the contrary, she was yelling in a mixture of fear and sadness. To be more accurate, she was doing what Elfman had almost a week before: Having a heart attack. _

_Why, you ask? Well, the dark-haired boy before her sighed once again and said nonchalantly, "MOM. I told you once, I told you twice! Heck, I told you a million times!" His tone turned from an aloof one to a lecturing one, "Chocolate cake is so much better than strawberry cake! Strawberry cake tastes like eating rocks that have been sitting in a bag of urine and feces. That are a month old and seasoned with muddy sand!" This boy barely even looked 4, but he was doing something many could only dream of. Some of the many being Natsu, Gray, Kagura (You know, that girl from Mermaid Heel in the Grand Magic Games), and such. He was bringing the infamous Titania to her knees, defeated. And only because he was insulting **cake**. _

_"Son," the blue-haired man with the tatto-whom we know to be Jellal Fernandez-sighed, "How many times have I told you **not **to do this to your mother?! Just because you two... Disagree on the subject of... Cake," he said, for the lack of a better word, "doesn't mean that-" _

_"YES IT **DOES!"** they both yelled at him, going into a deep... Discussion, though it was a quite passionate one, about the glory and wonders of cake. _

_Talking about the texture of the frosting on the cake to the fluffiness of the baked batter and the combination of the sweet and mesmerizing taste, Jellal let the... Lecture go in one ear and out the other. Quite a normal day, so to speak. Erza would get cake, her son would lecture her, and for some reason, they would always end up talking about **cake.** Without fail. No like he minded much, though. After all, he loved both dearly. But, there was only one thing that he dreaded about this routine..._

_"DAD/JELLAL!" both yelled, respectively. _

_"...Yes...?" He asked, though he knew perfectly well where they were going._

_"DECIDE! CHOCOLATE OR STRAWBERRY/STRAWBERRY OR CHOCOLATE!" they yelled in sync, only that Jellal got used to who was saying what, obviously. Although, he was a little concerned about the fact that they were shoving plates of cake right in front of his face._

_"Uh... Say, why you just ask Meredy (Or is it Meldy...? Curse English translations!)? I hear she loves cake." he sighed in relief (Cause I don't know if they say "Thank god" in the series... I'm stupid) that he was able to come up with a decent excuse this time. Right after he suggested this, Erza and her son were gone, probably racing each other to Meredy's house. _

_...Hopefully they wouldn't interrupt anything like meditating or sleeping, because Meredy's scary when she wakes up. He shudders, remembering when Ultear urged him to wake her up from her nap. No wonder why she was so persistent on not doing it herself. (Hm, I tend to have characters shudder a lot...)_

_He suddenly wondered how Erza revived herself so quickly from that heart attack, just like what Elfman did. He shook his head a smiled, just telling himself that it was because they were Fairy Tail mages. A simple heart attack wouldn't take them down easily. Now a lifetime of heart attacks was a totally different ball game... He just hoped that their arguments would decline gradually, though it would be a great miracle if they stopped altogether. _

_Scratch that, maybe a few once in a while. It's part of their personality that he loved anyways._

Heart attacks, Carla noted that she would have to warn Wendy about that later. How many people would have heart attacks, anyways? First Elfman from hearing his daughter say "Woman", now Erza from her son being in an "early rebellious age" because he liked chocolate cake. Not to mention he would hate, she corrected herself because all this would happen in the future, strawberry cake.

Judging by Mira's jotting down notes in a familiar book to some of us (To those of you who read "That's What You Get" I guess this would be categorized as a spin-off...), Carla prepared herself for more visions about our future couples.

**Open for suggestions and unfortunately open for flames! If you do flame me, please be gentle! I'm just killing time! Besides, I kinda have an idea of how to torture everyone... I think I might do Gajeel and Levy next. And apparently, heart attacks are going to become more frequent. Hn... P.S. The book Mira's writing in is used from my other story because it's her "Matchmaking book". Hope you enjoyed, later~**


	3. Shoes to Fill In

**Author's note: I know... You don't need to tell me. This story is getting worse and worse by each chapter. -_-" No flames, I already know I'm horrible at writing. BECAUSE I WARNED YOU. Okay? And because they're getting short (for some reason...) I'm going to make it (technically) two chapters in one. **

**Diclaimer: I don't own Fairy Tail (And because I feel like it, I'll make this a NORMAL disclaimer!)**

**Chapter 3: Shoes to Fill in**

"Tell me more, tell me more!" Mira begged, hurridly scribbling down notes in her book.

Carla sighed once again, this was becoming a different kind of conversation by each minute. For some weird reason, what Mira wanted to know was coming like second nature. And what Carla wanted to know at different times wouldn't even come at all. Juuuust peachy.

_**~Glimpse~  
**__**(Nobody flamed at calling it this, so it'll stay this.)**_

_Gajeel shrieked (not a girly one) while grabbing his heart in shock at seeing the letter the Council specifically sent to them. In other words, he had a heart attack. "HOW COULD YOU, SON?!" he bellowed, pointing a finger accusingly at the boy. _

_"What is it, Gajeel?!" Levy ran down the stairs to look at why he was yelling at their son._

_"I'M ASHAMED OF YOU!" he continued, turning around the paper to show at him (the son, not Levy), "HOW COULD YOUR PROPERTY DAMAGE BILL BE 900,000 JEWELS?! MY LEAST BILL WAS 1,000,000 JEWELS!" he yelled, then crossed his arms in pride of his 'accomplishment'. _

_*BAM* "GAJEEL!" she shrieked, and yes. She was able to hit his head with her book._

_...She grew. _

_"Okay, Da-" their son was about to say, with a big pouting face._

_"Don't you dare agree with him!" she yelled. _

_"It's always the innocent ones," as they (*COUGH* Gajeel *COUGH*) say. Never, **ever **make Levy mad. She's worse than Erza and Mira when she wants to be. Not like I know, of course._

Before Carla could finish relaying her vision to Mira, which started to make her hate being an oracle, she saw another one. This time, her paws quivered, her teacup rolled onto the table where the tea spilled onto everything and the floor, and her plate circled around in a repeating pattern. "No..." she muttered, then curled up into a small, furry ball sobbing. "IT CAN'T BE TRUE!"

"What can't be?" Mira asked, pausing to write at the horrible future.

"It's impossible..." she continued to rant, "I can't... No-...!" she sobbed, and Mira swore she heard 'Happy' among her babbling.

'Wait, Happy... And Carla,' she put two and two together, and cried out in joy. "Aren't you glad, Carla?" she danced around in her own world of romantic happiness.

"Don't get so happy, Mira..." Carla wiped the tears from her eyes with a pink embroidered handkerchief, "I'm not the only one. You have your own problems."

Mira's dancing paused in mid-... Dance, and her cheerful smile cracked a bit.

**Okay okay, that was lame, I know. I might do a few more chapters and end it... *sigh* I might even give the story to somebody else and have them end it. ...I feel so empty, not being able to complete my own stories. Hope you enjoyed, later~**


	4. Like Father, Like Mother, Like Daughter

**Author's note: I have been gone for a while, until this popped into my head. And I've neglected Poor Child? Poor Parents! for a while... It's my thank you to everybody important to me! Such as you, readers. ^^ Even if you hate me. XP **

**Thanks to:  
Distantmemories412, Fairy x Hunter, ****Guest, Yuki Inoue, MissGigglesx3, White Wolf Writers, Coraline McGarden, Skafe, im-a-tumor, Tawny, bystander, Elby-Tiadoroppu, FairyVampire-chan, Flower of Hell, Kiszi89, Lisanna-Chan, Mitsuzo, Wolf skater, Yme35, abby59, blackbeltgirl95, bobilton, chestli, gamer55551, Teehee4869, dreamwalker91, nehamerchant123, and vampireorvampyre  
To Skafe-Why thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I guess I'll try. Actually, I just realized that you can feel free to write your own Fairy Tail future-generation, because I just saw a few people doing the same (except theirs had a plot, while mine is occasional oneshots). I look forward to reading it if you ever do! ^^ But if I decide I really really really am just going to drop this, I'll let you know first thing.  
****To Coraline McGarden-Hehehe, sorry 'bout that. I hope next time it'll be better.  
To Tawny-I'm right here! ;P  
To bystander-Thanks for the compliment, I hope this one will be the same. Only that the straight face doesn't go to a disgusted face. *sigh* One can dream.  
To im-a-tumor-Well, here it is!  
To White Wolf Writers-I am, and hopefully you'll love this too!  
To MissGigglesx3-I do wonder. I should do that, shouldn't I? Thank you!  
To Yuki Inoue-Well, in my FF world, they do. The wait's over today, 'kay?  
To Guest-Glad you enjoyed it!  
To Fairy x Hunter-Really? Was it good enough for your first story of the pair?  
To Distantmemories412-Humor's the best way to kill, eh? Did I kill you? Well, everybody has a little bit of humor in them, right? I hope you enjoy this too! And thank you!**

******Disclaimer: Wow! If I can rant like that for a long time, I wouldn't be able to make deadlines, least create something as wonderful as Fairy Tail, no?  
Note: If I switch between spelling (Ex: Fried and Freed) or honorifics (Ex: Lily or Lily-san) and such, that'll be because of my absentmindedness. But if it bothers you, let me know!**

******Chapter 4: Like Father, Like Mother, Like Daughter**

Juvia, though she was watching Natsu and Gray fight, couldn't help but let temptation overcome her. She just HAD to ask Carla.

"Um... Carla-san, would you..." Juvia approached Carla and Mira with a blush on her face, hands clamped tightly together. "What will Gray-sama and Juvia's future be?!" she blurted out with shut eyes.

Carla stared at Juvia with her usual blank face she used when she wasn't feeling emotion or when she was somewhat irritated/amused. _'And just when I was going to see something good about Mira... Oh well,'_ she sighed internally. "Sure, I'll try my best," she said instead. Just that thought sent Juvia into her romance fantasy once again.

**_~Start~_**

_"Hey, Daddy!" a tiny bluenette tackled the one she called 'Daddy', though he barely was affected by it. Smiling, he ruffled up her hair gently, asking, "What is it?" _

_"Can I learn magic, pretty please?" she tilted her head a bit to the side, looked up at him, clasped her hands together and widened her eyes so that they sparkled. _

_"Juvia taught you how to do that, didn't she?" Gray chuckled lightly and ruffled her hair again, "Sure! What kind do you think you want to learn?" Staring up at her father, many different types of magic were presented and rejected, presented and rejected. _

_Until she joyously exclaimed, "I want to learn the same magic of Daddy!" Gray couldn't help but feel a bit proud that he would be teaching his daughter his magic, side by side, just like U-"And I want you to teach me just like Ul did~!" Just like Ul... Gray was mortified, he could just hear her telling him to strip in the middle of a blizzard. _

"It's because of you that I have this stripping problem!" _his voice echoed in his head. _

_His stripping problem. Other people seeing his daughter suddenly stripping while she fought, or even randomly while walking down the street..._ **"JUVIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"**

_(V)!_!(V)_

_"Hey, Natsu, why's Gray sulking in that corner?" Lucy asked as she stared worriedly at her_ nakama (Sorry, I can't help but keep it that way)_ sulk and cry in a corner like it was the end of the world. _

_"Dunno... Hey, Miss Ice Prick!" _

_". . ." Absolutely nothing. Natsu was stumped. "Oh wait!" Lucy could've sworn she saw a lightbulb-a dim one, in fact-above Natsu's head, "I can hear him muttering something about 'Stripping problems'. So you've finally realized it, Ice Prick. Took you a while!" Natsu joked. _

_". . ." Still nothing. "Hey Natsu... I'm kinda worried now..." _

_Natsu stared at Gray. And stared. Something wasn't quite right, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Once again, Lucy saw that lightbulb, though it seemed a bit brighter. "Juvia! She's gone, and she's always somewhere near Gray!" _

_"Now that you mention it... Where _is_ Juvia?" Lucy looked around, speaking of which, she couldn't find any of their children anywhere. It was probably just some coincidence, anyways."Oh well." she shrugged, while Juvia was busy trying to teach her dear daughter to become a water mage. Mommy Dearest, no?_

**_~End~_**

"...She'll be a water mage, to say the least..." Carla didn't want to predict what kind of havoc they would cause. Who they had were already enough. Thinking of how romance would sway a possible Juvia Jr. was scary.

And at the thought of her and Gray raising a child together, Juvia fainted.

**Well, that's over... *sigh* It's so late. Any suggestions? Feel free to tell me! Hope you enjoyed, later~**

**-Jydaria**


End file.
